I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another 13:34-35

 

One of my least favorite words is “nice.” It is such an overused word and one that, despite having a definition really doesn’t mean anything. When we describe something as nice, we may mean that it satisfactory, or that it is pleasing, or that it appeals to us. When we call people nice it is really a comment on how they make us feel. We would never describe as nice a person who we argue with consistently. We would rarely, if ever, call a person who insults us nice. We mostly reserve the title of nice for those who do good things for us, who are useful to us, or who support us.

 

            “Be nice,” is often a comment we will hear a parent say to a child. I have even heard a wife say this to her husband; and yes vice versa too. But because the meaning of the word nice is so nebulas, so relative, telling someone to be nice often does not give much direction. “Be nice,” in parent talk very often can simply be translated to stop doing what you are doing. When I let people know my frustration with the word nice, they will often respond with the alternative that we should be kind. In my typical sarcastic tone, I often respond with the question be kind of what…but this doesn’t  really add much to the conversation.

 

            I think that my frustration with these words comes from an awareness that followers of Jesus Christ are always required to do more than the minimum. We are not meant to be ordinary, we are not meant to just go along to get along, to participate in the status quo. As you have heard me say many times, with our words and our deeds, we Christians are commissioned to reveal the Kingdom of God already, yet not fully present in our midst. Jesus never commanded us to be nice or to be kind, he instead called us to love one another as he loves us. Jesus’s great commandment calls us to love God, our neighbor, and ourselves. And because Jesus does not allow his followers to simply do the minimum, he also commands us to love our enemies.

 

            Acts of kindness or niceness are, well nice, but they don’t necessarily require any investment of self. At times they do not even require us to interact with the person to whom we are being kind. Have you ever paid for the food or drink of the person behind you in the drive through line? This is certainly an act of kindness, a nice gesture but is it an act of love? I think it is safe to say that these acts of kindness, that being nice is easy and makes us feel good while on the other hand love is difficult and can be very painful. Especially the love that Jesus calls us to live.

 

            The love Jesus calls us to live does indeed include kindness, but it also includes patience. The love that Jesus commands requires us to be merciful and forgiving. In the words of St. Paul in his letter to the Corinthians, “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”(1Cor 13:7) In other words the love that Jesus calls us to live has no limits and no conditions. It challenges when needed, it soothes when appropriate, it nurtures and builds up. The love we are called to is an act of the will that commits us to wishing and working for the good of the beloved.

 

            Perhaps the reason so many of us choose to be nice or kind rather than to love is that love is often a two-edged sword. It can indeed build up and tear down at the same time. Love can be hurtful to the one who loves and to the beloved. True love requires humility, generosity, and gratitude. True love is hard. We need only look to the Eucharist to see how much true and holy love will cost us. We need only look to the cross of Jesus Christ to see what unconditional and limitless love looks like. Ultimately true and holy love will require much of us, but it will mostly require us to be generous in passing it on even when this is difficult.

 

Loving the way Jesus calls us to love will indeed require us to be kind, and to be of service to one another. This kindness must be rooted in a willingness to work for the good of the beloved; to help the beloved to be all they can be in this world and to live forever in the presence of Jesus Christ.